Bismillah irahman irahim, With the name of Allah the most gracious and most merciful.
Are you a short-tempered person? Do you first hurt your parents and then feel bad about it? Do you love your parents but sometimes become an unfair and toxic child? Do you want to be a better Muslim and the best child with your parents? Then this blog can help you with your concerns. We are sharing 8 don’ts with your parents in Islam, by contemplation and restraint, you can overcome this issue Insha’Allah.
The 8 don’ts with your parents in Islam
Parents are blessings from Allah Almighty, a blessing that once withheld cannot be replaced. You can find absolutely no one like your parents on this planet earth; who would hold an excessive amount of love and concern for you. No love can equal parental love; it’s exceptional and most beautiful. Prophet Muhammad ﷺ always emphasized parental well-being, to them good treatment and kind gesture.
Parents should be treated well, with care, respect and love. Below are 8 don’ts with your parents in Islam. Don’t do these 8 things with your parents.
1. Don’t sadden their hearts:
Don’t say things to your parents that bring hurt to them. Don’t harm their emotions or cause their eyes to shed drops of pain. Don’t damage their trust. Don’t scatter their hopes unless you’re not crossing the ascribed limits by Allah Almighty. There’s a hadith that says:
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو، أَنَّ رَجُلاً، أَتَى النَّبِيَّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ إِنِّي جِئْتُ أُبَايِعُكَ عَلَى الْهِجْرَةِ وَلَقَدْ تَرَكْتُ أَبَوَىَّ يَبْكِيَانِ . قَالَ ارْجِعْ إِلَيْهِمَا فَأَضْحِكْهُمَا كَمَا أَبْكَيْتَهُمَا
It was narrated from ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr that a man came to the Prophet and said:
“I have come pledging to emigrate (Hijrah), and I have left my parents weeping.” He said: “Go back to them, and make them smile as you made them weep.” (An-Nasā’i, 4163)
2. Don’t dishonour them:
Don’t let disrespect for your parents enter your heart in any way. Don’t use harsh words or perform disrespectful actions. Neither roll eyes nor talk back to your parents. Don’t look at them with disdain. Don’t speak evil of them. Don’t involve in activities that bring dishonour to your Parents.
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو رَضِيَ اللَّهُ عَنْهُمَا قَالَ قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ إِنَّ مِنْ أَكْبَرِ الْكَبَائِرِ أَنْ يَلْعَنَ الرَّجُلُ وَالِدَيْهِ قِيلَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ وَكَيْفَ يَلْعَنُ الرَّجُلُ وَالِدَيْهِ قَالَ يَسُبُّ الرَّجُلُ أَبَا الرَّجُلِ فَيَسُبُّ أَبَاهُ وَيَسُبُّ أُمَّهُ
Abdullah ibn Amr reported:
The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Verily, one of the major sins is that a man curses his own parents.” It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, how can a man curse his own parents?” The Prophet said, “He insults the father of another man and then that man insults his father and his mother.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5628, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 90
3. Don’t raise your voice above theirs:
Don’t speak louder as to win over an argument with your parents. Don’t lash out your anger over them. Don’t label them naive and yourself clever. Don’t judge ill of your parents. Don’t correct them right away or in a harsh and heartless manner. Learn how to speak gently and address your parents nobly.
لا تستخدم حدة لسانك على (الأم) التي علمتك الكلام.
It’s referred from Ali ibn Abi Talib:
“Do not use the sharpness of your tongue on (the mother) who taught you how to speak. ” (Ibn ‘Abbas, Akhbar v.1 p.91.)
5. Don’t deprive them
When you become independent. It becomes your duty to look after your parents and see if they need something or not. Don’t make them press their desires. Don’t let them fear asking you for their needs. Give them before they ask you. There is a hadith that says:
حَدَّثَنَا هِشَامُ بْنُ عَمَّارٍ، حَدَّثَنَا عِيسَى بْنُ يُونُسَ، حَدَّثَنَا يُوسُفُ بْنُ إِسْحَاقَ، عَنْ مُحَمَّدِ بْنِ الْمُنْكَدِرِ، عَنْ جَابِرِ بْنِ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ، أَنَّ رَجُلاً، قَالَ يَا رَسُولَ اللَّهِ إِنَّ لِي مَالاً وَوَلَدًا وَإِنَّ أَبِي يُرِيدُ أَنْ يَجْتَاحَ مَالِي فَقَالَ “ أَنْتَ وَمَالُكَ لأَبِيكَ ”
It was narrated from Jabir bin ‘Abdullah that a man said:
“O Messenger of Allah, I have wealth and a son, and my father wants to take all my wealth.” He said: “You and your wealth belong to your father.” (Sunan Ibn Majah 2291)
6. Don’t mock over them:
Don’t laugh at your Parents. Parents are one of the most sensitive beings; their hearts matter to sincere and caring children. Of course, there are going to be things between you and your parents that they won’t understand. However, this does not give any children a ticket to belittle them. Don’t imitate or make fun of your parents; this isn’t only morally wrong but also hurtful.
Teach your parents wholeheartedly what they’re struggling with, whether it be technology or speaking a different language.
وَوَصَّيۡنَا ٱلۡإِنسَـٰنَ بِوَٲلِدَيۡهِ إِحۡسَـٰنًاۖ
“And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and kind to His Parents” (46:15).
7. Don’t hate them:
There are many things that parents restrict their children to do for example; going to a friend’s place, going to some parties, school or college trips or wearing a certain type of clothes; this could hurt you as a child and your painful emotions could start filling negativity in your brain within no seconds.
Soon the negativity turns into hatred and that hatred bombards your brain and stains your heart. The worst possible things start coming into your mind which has no solid grounds.
As Muslims, we should direct a positive eye to our parent’s orders and take their concerns favourably. A child must not hate his/her parents or dislike them slightly, even in the tiniest corner of the heart.
Parents get intuitions. They can sense adverse consequences. They love their child therefore they fear any damage reaching their child. Allah forbids you to submerge into hate and mistreat your parents.
أنت مدين لوالديك كثيرًا ، لم تصلي أبدًا من أجل الحصول عليهما ، لكن ربما يكونان قد صلوا من أجل الحصول عليك. – المفتي منك
You owe your parents A LOT, You never prayed to have them, but They may have prayed to have you. — Mufti Menk.
8. Don’t displease them:
Don’t do things to annoy or upset your parents. Don’t involve in things that displease your Parents. All the Parents loves their children, however, there are some exceptional cases, but you might not be in that category. Don’t let Satan deceive you and prevent you from gaining all the good of this world and the hereafter by throwing you into assumptions against your parents.
Leave everything that displeases your parents, except those which go against Islamic teachings. Keep your parents happy and content with you.
عَنْ عَبْدِ اللَّهِ بْنِ عَمْرٍو عَنْ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ رِضَى الرَّبِّ فِي رِضَى الْوَالِدِ وَسَخَطُ الرَّبِّ فِي سَخَطِ الْوَالِدِ
Abdullah ibn Amr reported: The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The pleasure of the Lord is in the pleasure of the parents, and the displeasure of the Lord is in the displeasure of the parents.”
Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1899
The Advice of Imam Ali ibn Abi Talib:
Imam Ali gave a piece of beautiful advice to all people, particularly Muslims, on how should they treat their parents. Muslims should especially take hold of their actions and correct themselves for any moral crack in their behaviour towards their parents. The advice of Imam Ali goes like this;
أكرم والدتك وأبيك ، لا تحزن قلوبهم ، لا تعصهم ، لا تنظر إليهم بازدراء ، انظر إليهم بحب ، أعطهم قبل أن يطلبوا منك. لا ترفع صوتك فوق صوتهم. لا تمش أمامهم. لا تجلس حتى يجلسوا ، وإذا ساروا عليك وأنت جالس ، فعليك أن تقف وتقدم لهم مقعدك.
“Honour your mother and father, do not sadden their hearts, do not disobey them, do not look at them with disdain, look at them with love, give them before they ask you, do not raise your voice above theirs, do not walk ahead of them, do not sit until they are seated, and if they walk upon you while you are seated, you must stand and offer your seat to them.”
Imam Ali (#146 – 160)
To conclude, among many things, there are 8 specific actions that you shouldn’t perform with your parents. Parents deserve the best treatment. If we knew how our mother bore pain living every second carrying us, and our father working away his resting hours, we were deeply ashamed of treating them badly. Therefore, We’ve shared the list of 8 don’ts with your parents in Islam, by working on which we can help craft a better relationship with our parents, Insha’Allah.
Let us know in the comment section what do you feel about this blog.